“. . . I am struck by the wonder of that gift.”
In anticipation of Thanksgiving, here is a lovely sermon by the Rev. Nathan Woodliff-Stanley, who serves Jefferson Unitarian Church in Golden, Colorado as the Minister of Social Responsibility, about saying “grace,” on special occasions and as an every day practice.
For consideration: Do you say grace before meals? Is this a meaningful practice for you?
Saying Grace
Nathan Woodliff-Stanley
Have you ever had the experience of sitting down to a meal with relatives or friends or some other group of people, and without advance warning, being asked to say grace? It may be something you do routinely–not a big deal–or the very thought might strike terror in your heart. I can assure you that it happens more often to ministers, especially at times like Thanksgiving, and it pays to be prepared. But I’ve still had my share of stumbles, and it can be disconcerting for anyone to be put on the spot unexpectedly. There is real value in spontaneous prayer, but being asked to say grace without warning can be especially awkward if you are someone who doesn’t normally say grace before meals, if you don’t know what the group expects, or if all you can think of are childhood formulas for saying grace that no longer fit your beliefs. I can imagine someone who is agnostic trying to pray as honestly as possible:
“Dear God, if there is a God, we thank you for this food, to whatever extent you were responsible for it. We ask for your blessings upon us, if that isn’t too presumptuous and if you really do specially bless people, and all this we pray in your holy name, whatever that might be.”
Or then there are those who prefer the blunt approach: “Good drink, good meat, good God, let’s eat!” I’ve even heard, “Thanks for the grub, Bub!” There are many ways that people start meals in our culture, and I’m not suggesting you need to do anything more than just sit down and eat, but saying grace is a practice you are sure to encounter eventually in some form or another.As a matter of fact, in my own family, we do have a ritual of saying grace before evening meals whenever we are all able to sit down together. We have several versions, both spoken and sung (and sometimes spontaneous), from those closer to my wife’s Episcopal tradition, to those that are more distinctly UU. Sometimes we just hold hands silently. (That one is our favorite when the kids have been screaming their heads off, by the way.) We generally don’t say grace at other times and places, but it is a meaningful part of our evening routine at home.
Many of you may have participated in some kind of prayer before Thanksgiving dinner, even if you don’t normally say grace before meals the rest of the year. I inherited a special reason for Thanksgiving prayers from my wife’s family, because the Woodliff part of our last name traces back to a Captain John Woodliffe who apparently made the first American Thanksgiving proclamation in 1619 in Virginia, two years before the Pilgrims. I’m not sure how much that means, since the Plymouth story is the one everyone remembers, and I have no doubt that Native Americans were giving thanks for many centuries before any European settlers, but it does add some historical gravitas to our present-day Thanksgiving celebrations.
Apart from history or tradition, however, what is the point of saying grace or giving thanks in the first place? To what or whom are we offering our thanks, and what difference does it make?
There are some forms of saying grace, or other kinds of prayer, that do bother me. Any prayer that is theologically presumptuous or exclusive, self-righteous or self-congratulatory, that aims to prosyletize or manipulate other participants in the prayer, that is blatantly superstitious or that claims or asks for special divine favor, I find troubling. The issue of divine favor is especially tricky. It is easy and quite understandable to thank God for watching over us and protecting us from harm, but the implication of thanking God for protecting us when others have not been protected is that God must play favorites, and that we claim favored status for ourselves. What do such prayers say to the thousands who did not survive Hurricane Katrina or the earthquake in Pakistan? I am grateful for many blessings in my life, but even apart from issues about the nature or existence of God, I am reluctant to attribute any blessings in my life to an intentional act of God, because it would imply that others who are less fortunate must have been intentionally denied those same blessings.
So if Thanksgiving prayers are not about giving thanks for God’s special blessings on us, what are they for? Part of the answer may be found in the very phrase, “saying grace.”
‘Grace’ is one of those many words that raise the problem of religious language for some of us. There are dozens of other words, especially from Christian language, that pose similar difficulties, such as spirituality, sin, salvation, faith, redemption, sacrament, and of course, God. Most of these words can have more than one meaning, and they all carry a great deal of theological and historical baggage. If we don’t want to embrace all that baggage, we often face a dilemma. Do we simply throw the words out, or do we try to keep and rehabilitate or redefine those words, attempting to throw out only the baggage? Redefining words can be difficult and confusing, causing misunderstanding and hindering communication. But when we just throw the words away, we often give all of their power over to religious extremists, letting them define the terms with their own distortions. We also may miss some of the valid insights into human life that may be contained within those words.
Our UUA President Bill Sinkford has called for Unitarian Universalists to reclaim a “language of reverence.” If in practice that just boils down to saying the word “God” more often, without necessarily explaining what we mean, then it doesn’t do much for me. But if it means thoughtfully exploring religious language, teasing out the concepts that are meaningful to us from the ones that are not, and expressing those meanings either through traditional terms or with new language, then it is a promising and important enterprise.
In the case of the word “grace”, there is plenty of theological baggage in the idea of God offering unmerited salvation to a select few among a depraved humankind, either to those who have accepted Christ as their savior, or to those who have simply been chosen by God as the “elect.” But if we avoid diving into that theological pit, there is a beauty in the word “grace”, the idea of pure gift, whatever the source may be. Life itself, the fact of our existence, is certainly an unmerited and ultimately unexplainable gift.
It’s hard to say why, but there are some days more than others when I am struck by the wonder of that gift. At those times, the world simply seems more amazing, more abundant, more beautiful, and I feel more generous, less afraid, more joyful and at peace, more graceful. It isn’t about denying pain or tragedy or death, not at all. Some of the finest examples of this inward grace have come from the Anne Franks and the Nelson Mandelas of the world, people whose spirits remained whole despite the most horrific of circumstances. I’m not sure why it happens at some times and for some people more than others, and I have no interest in blaming people for their suffering, but I do know that I would like to feel that quality of life more often if I can. Sometimes I do, and that’s grace.
I know that even when I’m not especially in touch with the miracle of life, it is still there, and that’s grace, too. When I start to get bent out of shape over little things, it does help me to step back and remind myself of the gift of my very existence, and of the people and things that bring meaning and pleasure into my life: beautiful music, food to eat, the face of a child, the pillow under my head at night, the mountains, hot chocolate, good memories, the excitement of people working together for justice and peace. Even when life is difficult, there are always things to be grateful for, and saying them, reflecting on them, can have a very positive effect on our spirits. I ask both children and adults, what are you thankful for today?
Celebrating Thanksgiving or saying grace before a meal can be ways both to express our gratitude and to cultivate it at the same time. The benefit can be more than just a positive attitude. When I find myself in a state of grace, I find that I want to respond to and express my gratitude. I am moved by tragedy rather than made cynical by it. I become more curious and observant, more patient and forgiving, less irritable and reactive. I find myself more open to opportunities to get involved, to make a difference, or at least to try. There is a natural connection between grace, gratitude and giving, which is why special collections such the one today for Pakistan and our annual Family Tree gifting are often held around Thanksgiving.
Whatever helps us cultivate this spirit of gratitude within ourselves can prove to be a saving grace in our own lives and in the lives of those we touch. Life circumstances and bodily health certainly affect how well and often I can have this experience, but moments of grace can appear mysteriously, even in the middle of crisis or suffering. Sometimes, all we can do is just to wish for this experience and remain ready and open for those moments or days when we are graced by it.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter to me whether you ever say grace before a meal–in fact, you probably shouldn’t if it would just feel awkward or contrived, but there is value in pausing from time to time to think deliberately about what we are grateful for. Life is brief, but it is here to be embraced and appreciated. Whether the ultimate source of the gift of life comes from a God or from some mysterious principles of physics, either way, the miracle of existence pervades everything. It doesn’t really matter whether we know exactly what or whom to thank, just that we are thankful, and that there are many ways we can express our thanks in both actions and words. When traditional words with theological baggage get in the way, as for our praying agnostic, we can either reinterpret that traditional language, or seek new ways of expressing the authentic meaning beneath the words.
I have found the language of blessings often to be useful, and I like prayers that call us to action or that simply state what is in our hearts rather than petitioning God or assigning credit. Phrases that begin with ‘we’ or ‘may’ or ‘let us’ can be helpful, as in, “Let us pray. We are gathered here in celebration of the gift of life and with joy for this opportunity to be together with family and friends. Let us give thanks for all of the blessings in our lives, for the food that nourishes us, and for the interdependent web of life that sustains us. May we find the grace each day to face whatever life may bring us, to remember those in need, to see the world through eyes of love and gratitude, and to respond by caring for one another, creating beauty, and working for justice in the world. May blessings be upon us all. Amen.”
That is indeed my prayer, for Thanksgiving Sunday and for every day. I wouldn’t expect it from anyone on the spot, right before a meal. But even the most stumbling words of gratitude can be beautiful, if they come from the heart. In the end, I do wish to live my life more gracefully, and I wish the same for you.
May it be so.
Source: “Saying Grace” by Rev. Nathan Woodliff-Stanley, Minister of Social Responsibility at Jefferson Unitarian Church in Golden, Colorado, preached November 27, 2005 and used with permission.
Tags: gathering, gratefulness, Nathan Woodliff-Stanley, prayer, Thanksgiving
